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Strengthening Your Marriage
Bible Study
"Lesson Four"

God's Rules for Good Communication

Ephesians 4:25-32

Good relationships are not built because of an absence of problems. Nobody is immune from problems. All of us are sinners and that is all it takes to set the stage for conflict!

Take heart! Solid and lasting relationships can be built by those who know Christ as Savior and who learn to deal with these problems God's way.

In Ephesians 4:22-24, Paul talks about “How to grow and change” by replacing the “old self”, thoughts and actions with biblical thoughts and habits which is God’s way of handling conflicts.

He illustrates this in the following verses (Vs. 25-32), and in these examples of “Put Off” – “Put on,” he gives four very effective “Rules of Communication.” They are good for preventing and solving problems. In this lesson we will look at the first two rules (Vs 25 - 27).

25 Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another.
26 "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
27 nor give place to the devil.
28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.
29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

First Rule - Be Honest

Paul says to not just put off lying, but speak the Truth. The tense of this verb makes this a command not just an option. We must speak. I know that my Susan and I have discovered that we cannot read each others minds and neither can you. Being honest is more than just not lying, it must also involve speaking truth. There is no way we can solve problems unless we express them to each other.

Being honest also involves no dishonesty with each other. Dishonesty can be outright deceit, telling with your words something that is simply not true. It can also be a conflict between your words and your body language and tones. We can even be guilty of dishonesty by disguising our true message with innuendos and sarcasm. All Dishonesty must be put out of our communication if we are to have successful marriages as well as any other types of relationships. Dishonesty is very damaging to any relationship.

Rule number Two - Keep Current :Verses 26-27

Here Paul tells us to get angry but don't sin. Where lying is always sin anger is not necessarily sin. Anger that is focused on how I have been wronged is always sin, however anger that is focused on how God's law has been broken is righteous. Anger that is used to attack others or yourself is always wrong. It is not my desire to give anyone a license to be angry however it is a command that we are to be angry, and not sin. We must understand what is right anger and what is wrong.
We need to take that anger and use the energy to solve the problem that we are facing. Paul continues by saying "Don't let the sun go down on your anger (wrath). We need to solve problems in a timely manner. Failure to solve problems daily means that we are giving Satan an open door in our lives. We don't want to give the devil any foothold in our marriages.
It is very important that we do not cut off communication during or after a conflict. Some people so want the problem to go away that they will just stop talking until it does. Others will cry uncontrollably or threaten to "go off" like an explosion or a volcanic eruption. While still others will bottom line it "All I have to say..." or "I don't have anything else to say ..." None of this will lead to dealing with the problem in a timely manner. Don't put off this problem till tomorrow, tomorrow will have its own problems (Matt 6:34). Besides, when we put off problems they just tend to build up.

The last thing that I want to give you today is six questions to ask yourself before deciding to "Make it a fight" or "bringing up a sticky issue".

i. Do I have the facts right? Prov. 18:13

ii. Should love hide it? Is it sinful? Is it hindering growth? I Peter 4:8

iii. Is my timing right? Prov. 15:23b

iv. Is my attitude right? Am I trying to help the other person? Eph 4:15

v. Are my words loving? Eph 4:15

vi. Have I ask for God’s help? Prov 3:5b

Pastor Tim Heinrich(PT)
pastor@tracychurch.org
814-1815 (cell)
833-8423 (church)

Much of the material in this Bible study is from the Book Strengthening Your Marriage by Wayne Mack. For further study, the book can be purchased for $8.99 at www.ChristianBook.com.

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